Last Friday I attempted to relate a funny story to 2 of my colleagues – Carolyn and Allen. It started something like this:
Me: Something funny happened to me yesterday …
Carolyn (interrupts): You lost your phone?
Me (smiles because losing phones is my M.O.) : No, I …
Allen (also interrupts): You left your computer bag in a parking lot and security called the bomb squad?
Me (sorta laughing because I’ve done that, too): No, I was …
Carolyn (yes, she interrupts yet again): You got trapped in an open elevator?
Me (oh yeah, that’s happened, too; got to blog about that): NO! None of the above. This is not a repeat of any past bloopers! Okay? May I continue?
Allen and Carolyn (totally laughing): Sure.
Me (sigh): All right. Yesterday while working at home, the door bell rang and when I answered, there stood yet another pest control salesman. You know the type: Young, handsome, clean-cut returned Mormon missionary.
Anyway, I tried to send him away by reporting that we already have the services of Terminex. But he was good. Before I could shut the door in that innocent face, he rattled off the lower price and improved services which included SAFE VOLE EXTERMINATION approved by the EPA. I stopped mid-slam because I greatly dislike voles – to put it mildly – and I wanted to hear more.
Being a conscientious consumer, I asked how their company safely ridded the planet of the pests, and he explained. Next he asked where the rodents’ headquarters were. (I didn’t know they were that organized!) Anyway, I escorted him to our deck to show him the vole damage to our backyard and to see if he could locate the enemy’s op center.
After a few more minutes of detailed information, I signed up for the service, shook his hand, and “attempted” to indicate the direction to the back gate by raising and extending my arm to point my finger towards the exit.
Me: You can …
BUG BOY WRAPS HIS ARMS AROUND ME IN A QUICK BEAR HUG!
Me (stammering as BB jumps back and away): … uh, can leave by the …
BugBoy (embarrassed and turning 15 shades of red): You totally didn’t mean to hug me, did you? I was thinkin’, ‘I don’t remember ever getting a hug for selling bug spray…’ . I – uh – totally feel like a dork …
Me (laughing, Laughing, LAUGHING OUT LOUD): Omigosh! This is too funny! Don’t worry, I’m old enough be to be your mother; maybe even your grandmother. (MORE UNCONTROLLED LAUGHTER.)
BugBoy (with a little nervous chuckle): I mean … uh … I can just hear what you’re going to tell your husband. ‘This kid totally put the moves on me.’ (Shakes my hand and hurries towards the gate.)
Me (still hysterically guffawing): Yeah, and you’re going to have a some story to share back at the sales office. BUT you better tell it right!!!
BugBoy: Oh, I will. I promise. Uh, bye … (RUNS out the gate.)
Allen (LOL): You need to write a book; I swear …
Carolyn: Hey, she does write about it on her blog. You’ve SERIOUSLY got to blog this.
Allen: We’ll just call you Cougar Renae from here out.
Renae (confused): Huh? (Thinking to herself: What Brigham Young University’s mascot has to do with this story?)
BYU’s fight song plays in the background: RISE AND SHOUT, THE COUGARS ARE OUT …