Like many a husband, my own hubby snores. No, maybe I should say he SNORES! While many wives across the world suffer through this spousal novelty, I’m most fortunate in that I can sleep through it! His children and our overnight guests marvel at the rumbling heard throughout the house – not like the rumble of a train, more like the sound that signals a tornado is touching down, and it’s too late for you to head for the cellar because it’s inches away from destroying you and yours!

Somewhere along the way, I joined into the fray. Not manly-sounding zzzzzzzzzzzzz’s but respectable enough to draw derogatory comments from our sons and grandchildren! None of this was much more than fodder for jokes and jabs until the fervor over sleep apnea struck the adult world. I know the this horrible condition is the culprit behind Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), but when we learned that  Grandpas and Grandmas were victims, too, we just chuckled – at first.

Soon we heard reports that ongoing interruptions of sleep causes more than daytime drowsiness – which is an annoying and dangerous condition, especially when DRIVING!!! Very scary. Other scary resulting issues include high blood pressure – which can lead to strokes – and other cardiovascular disease; memory problems – as if that isn’t already a problem; weight gain – so that’s what piled on the pounds; impotency – no wonder seniors (as in citizens, not 12th graders) are bombarded with all those inane Viagra commercials; and headaches – which eliminates the need for Viagra.

Finally, Hubby realized the evidence was mounting against him. He was tired, his blood pressure was high, and one night I counted to 10 between snores. It was time for a sleep test, which he failed with the proverbial flying colors. The statistics were appalling, and if I didn’t suffer  from memory loss myself, I would quote them here. Very alarming.

The solution to sleep apnea is the CPAP Mask! This amazing device is  “connected to a pump that forces air into the nasal passages at pressures high enough to overcome obstructions in the airway and stimulate normal breathing.” I am very thankful for this invention in that it may improve my husband’s health IF he can ever get used to wearing it while he sleeps! He’s currently trying out his 3rd design!

In the meantime, however, it provides lots of entertainment. I mean, look at this thing. Have you ever seen anything so attractive? It conjures up all kinds of romantic images. The first night I asked if I was going to bed with the elephant man, but when Hubby turned on the machine, I knew Darth Vader had slipped between the sheets. Some nights I wake up wondering if I’m on the ocean floor with a deep-sea diver or in the cockpit behind a jet pilot!

What I appreciate the most, however, is the white noise – much softer and more rhythmic than his snoring, and better than a vacuum. The sounds of  rushing wind or crashing waves (depending upon the cadence of his breathing) quickly lulls me to sleep, and I hardly notice MY syndrome: tinnitus. Hmmm, I wonder if I could hook that contraption up to my left ear and REALLY drown out the ringing!

Good night, Everyone!