Writing My Life

Now and Then


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… my grandmother: a pioneer in her own right …

I was asked to speak in church about pioneers, and the minute I accepted I knew I needed to talk about my mom’s mother – also named Rebecca. As the entire speech is little lengthy for a post, the following is the first part of my talk. I will post the second part as soon as I write it. Yes, I presented a half-written talk. Oh, and heck back because I am going to post photos as well. But not tonight. 

Officially the pioneer era ended with the advent of the transcontinental railroad. No longer did immigrants or other western settlers have to cross the American continent via covered wagons or handcarts. Nevertheless, pioneering and the pioneer spirit lived on. While my family history does include individuals who ventured forth to Zion in prairie schooners, it also consists of grandparents who continued to settle communities beyond the Wasatch front well into the twentieth century. Among those was my grandmother Rebecca Wheelwright Howe.

Little Rebecca Wheelwright

Grandma Howe’s childhood read like Cinderella’s younger years. Like the fairytale heroine, Grandma was born into a loving family where the beautiful young mother died at age 28. My grandmother was one of 6 children, all under the age of 10, who were left motherless. That was a heavy burden for her father Mathew Wheelwright, but somehow he managed to care for them as a single parent until he met and married Amanda, a woman from Sweden. Grandma’s life dramatically changed again.

While Amanda managed the household, she did not extend the loving care and concern to her stepchildren. When she and my great-grandfather had two sons of their own, Grandma and her siblings were not allowed to eat at the same table with the “new” family. Instead they were sent to the kitchen to eat their meals, a simple fare, while those at the table enjoyed three or four courses that included dessert.

Once my grandmother learned her letters and numbers, she was taken out of fourth grade to stay home and help her stepmother with household chores, watching children, feeding chickens, and tending the garden. By age 12 she was hired out to other households to fend for herself and provide added income for her family. One particular employer was especially unkind, and Grandma wished so much that she could return home, even if it meant living under the same roof as her stepmother.

Fredrick James Howe as a baby and a dashing young man

I doubt that my grandmother dreamed a prince or a knight who would sweep in on a mighty charger and rescue her from a life of drudgery, but she did meet the love of her life one spring day while walking down 25th Street in Ogden. My grandfather, whose family accepted the gospel while living in England, immigrated to Utah when he was three.  At age 20 Frederick had developed many skills, and among those, he broke wild horses – more of a cowboy than a prince, I guess. But when he saw Rebecca Wheelwright and she saw Frederick James Howe, sparks flew and they were married not long after meeting on that spring day on 25th Street.

After 8 years of working as a butcher and grocer, Grandpa decided it might be best for their growing family to move north to Idaho. Having visited his parents there and seeing the fields of green

The Traditional Wedding Pose

wheat, he believed he could be successful at dry-farming, and so they packed all their household furniture, a cow, two horses, some chickens, a wagon AND my grandpa into a boxcar and headed north. That must have been such a pleasant journey??!!

Grandma and her 4 little ones followed a week later on the train. The conductor who helped her off asked her, “Where did you have all those kiddies?”

“On one ticket right there in the car,” she replied, and the railroad man enjoyed a good laugh.

Life homesteading the 160 acres in Marsh Center, Idaho was so hard, and they quickly learned why it was called DRY FARMING. They had to haul all the water they used in barrels for two or three miles, and not a drop was wasted. Four more children were born while they labored there, and two were taken away.

To be continued.


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… 6-word memoirs can say so much …

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks helping the Utah State Office of Education roll out the Common Core State Standards to some 5000 teachers throughout the state. Scores of facilitators have traveled the state to educate educators about the core and to share teaching strategies as well. While we’ve been sharing lots of lesson ideas, my FAVORITE is the 6-word memoir. They are fun to write and interesting to read.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr

Legend has it that someone pressed Ernest Hemingway to write a novel using only 6 words – an appropriate request for the king of minimalism who didn’t disappoint. His creation tells a story of loss and heartbreak.

      Baby shoes for sale: never worn.

The first time I remember reading 6-word memoirs was when I qualified for AARP membership and received the organizations magazine for geezers. Some made me chuckle; some made me think; and some, like Hemingway’s, made me reach for the Kleenex or the toilet paper, depending on where I was perusing the column.

It takes some thought to sum up an experience in 6 words, but tweeting on Twitter is good practice because the writer has to weigh every word, and if one is a light-weight, out it goes. I noticed that most mini-memoirists keeps playing around with the words until the statement feels “just right.” Sometimes that happens in a matter of minutes and sometimes it takes a matter of  … minutes. (I don’t know of many writers from our classes who pulled an all-nighter trying to exact 6 perfect words.)

Some writers created HUMOROUS mini-memoirs like this one:

“Yikes! Former student is my proctologist.”

Others are TENDER:

“Dad: Always worried and very proud.”

Many are just REALISTIC:

“Taxi: Booked for next 7 years.”

PROFOUND:

“Seeking simplicity in world of complexity.”

SCARY:

“Two-year-old whacked Nanna with golf club.”

WISTFUL:

“Dreaming of cool water; sandy  toes.”

HEART-RENDING:

“Waiting for peace in my loss.”

LONGING:

“Left finger itching for THE question.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

In Parting: One sweet teacher told me that writing and sharing the memoir was even therapeutic as she reflected upon a recent hiking accident where she and her grandson tumbled some 50 feet down a trail. It was a frightening and painful experience that ended miraculously.

I feel blessed that during this past month I met some wonderful people and learned that even something as simple as this little exercise provided a way to build communities of new friends.

P.S. Wondering if I created a 6-word memoir? Yes, I did. But before I share, I invite YOU to comment with YOUR mini-memoir!

So here’s my attempt. I wrote a couple to make a simple comparison of two lives a couple of generations apart.

My grandmother’s memoir: “Raised 13 children during Great Depression.”

My memoir: “Raised 4 boys; suffered great depression.”  

Note to sons: You know I am kidding! Raising you 4 was the adventure of a life time! Love you!


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… summer lovers …

Okay, these snaps were captured LAST summer.

We had an EX.TREME.LY late spring this year.

And so I’m not really sure WHEN or IF I will catch these huggers kissing and doing other romantic stuff. 

Zuch Smackers!

Ahhh. Must be a first kiss!

Now you know why one zucchini and/or one crookneck plant can feed the entire neighborhood.

NOTHING can SQUASH the ROMANCE!


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… 31 straight days of posting, and all I’ve got left is “scrum” …

Thank you, Flickr, for this foto!

You know how you hear a word for the first time, and then flood gates open and you hear it again and again and again? For example, I remember the first time I “saw” the word “akimbo” – as in “she stood there with her arms akimbo.” It means she stood there with her hands on her hips. Guess that description was too blasé for Harper Lee, so she introduced me – and probably many other readers who poured over To Kill a Mockingbird – to that most unusual word.

I thought it sounded like a character’s name from Roots: Akimbo Kinte, son or daughter of Kunta???? There were not enough context clues to help me figure it out, and so I looked it up in a dictionary – this was before mass Internet. And, as often happens, the word started popping up all over the place. My favorite discovery occurred on the trip home from St. George one summer. We passed a truck hauling a sail boat and as we zipped by I noticed the vessel’s name plastered on the side: AKIMBO! Perfect name for a sailboat, don’t you think?

My latest addition to my vocabulary is SCRUM. Not being a follower of Rugby, I had NEVER heard this weird word. But on Friday evening at Joe’s pinning – NEVER heard of an MBA pinning either – the dean of the college asked the grads to “scrum” forward to pose for a class picture.

“Scrum”???? Like “scrum of the earth?” I guess that would work if the “scum bag” was also a “rummy.” But then would it be “scrummy?” No. The dean used it as a verb. Luckily, my daughter-in-law attended Highland High School – not MY Highland High in Pocatello, ID, but SLC’s HHS, where Rugby reins supreme. She clarified the term for me even though the dean used enough context clues that I was able to figure it out.

Obviously, SCRUM is a Westminster College favorite because the graduation speaker weaved it into his comments the following day, which accounted for the second time I heard the word.

The 3rd repetition was a surprise. Just minutes into Pirates of the Caribbean 4, viewers are introduced to a singing pirate named – yup, SCRUM. How he came by that moniker, I don’t know as there is very little written about the mate.

BUT, I’ll wager that he is one of them lovable RUM-swillin’ ScumBags!

Oh, and see you soon – but NOT tomorrow! 😉


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… one more Memorial Day tribute … maybe ….

 

Dad dressed like this while serving as a Top Turret Gunner in a "Flying Fortress.

When I was young I thought Memorial Day or Decoration Day – as it was also called – was set aside to honor ALL whohad departed. And Americans do that, but I did not realize it is primarily a day to remember those servicemen who are no longer with those they fought for. While we attended the grave sites of both my father’s and G.E.’s, I thought of the time a few years ago when we learned more about my Dad’s’ war by visiting the Mighty 8th Air Force Heritage Museum near Savannah, Georgia. It was a great experience for us both, and the biggest thrill was finding Dad’s name carved on the long veteran’s wall.

Here is just a taste from that day of learning and thanksgiving.

The Mighty 8th Air Force Heritage Museum 2003

The 379th Bomber Group

What they all fought for - PEACE!

G.E. points to Daddy's name on the Veteran's Wall

My hero!


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… maybe I can be religious AND spiritual …

Personally, I need the hard back of a pew to keep me pointed toward God. So I guess I’m more religious than spiritual. ~ Lavar Webb

Lavar Webb and Frank Pignanelli are politicos who spar via their column in the Deseret News. Among several other topics discussed in today’s newspaper, the two addressed the difference between being “spiritual” and being “religious.” This interesting debate stemmed from a comment by potential presidential candidate Jon Huntsman, Junior’s “articulate dodge of the religious question” as reported in TIME Magazine.

When asked about whether or not he was a practicing Mormon, our former governor replied that he was more spiritual than religious. Webb prefaced the above quotation by suggesting that “lots of people consider themselves spiritual, but not so interested in organized religion. They find spirituality in nature and meditation.”

Now I am NOT interested in debating whether or not Mr. Huntsman wanted to distance himself from the “Mormon question” in order to appeal to “closet agnostics,” Baptists,  or moderate Republicans or Democrats. I am merely reflecting upon my own condition. Am I …

  1. more spiritual than religious?
  2. more religious than spiritual?
  3. religious AND spiritual?

Tonight, I’m going with number 3. While many observers might see religion in the light of the “letter of the law,” I see religion as my doctor’s office. The place I regularly  go to check-up on my “spiritual” well-being. It is there, that my heart is examined through words from the pulpit as shared in Sacrament Meeting talks by fellow church members and through lessons in Sunday School and Relief Society.

To be clear, it is NOT church members or leadership who pinch and probe, it is that spirit that accompanies my reflections as I listen to and learn from others. And just as I do at the clinic, I commit to trying harder and doing better. Why? Because my spiritual life is dependent upon the “good-for-the-soul” changes I constantly work on.

I think the hard back of the pew does point me toward God who is so patient with me and toward friends who laugh at my craziness, family members who forgive my carelessness, neighbors who extend and receive kindnesses, clerks I meet at Maverick’s stations, frustrated drivers who flip me off when I inadvertently cut them off, co-workers I learn to respect, and people in far away places that I don’t know but want to help.

Many may not feel they need weekly prodding to do good. But I need all the help I can get to become more patient, more faithful, more prayerful, more grateful, “more spiritual.”

Yes, I find spirituality in nature, in meditation, AND in organized religion.


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… a day to honor Dad and the Grad …

On the 28th day of May and of posting, G.E. and I enjoyed memories PAST and PRESENT. We visited the cemetery this morning to decorate the grave and honor my sweet father who has been gone from us for nearly 4 years. Seems impossible.

Mom, Sis, and 2 helpful husbands reminisced for a few moments as we set 3 pots of colorful mums around the site. We admired the headstone with its etched flag on Daddy’s side and carved flowers on Mom’s. Then we recalled once more how much my father loved Old Glory. Mom reminded us how he had to hang a flag at every house they ever owned – and there were several over the years. Connie talked about the time they first moved to Oregon, and she and Daddy drove all over Gresham to find a store that sold flags.

“That’s when we discovered Fred Meyers,” she said. “And it soon became Dad’s favorite shopping place.”

Mom had been tearful when we first arrived, but remembering and chatting and laughing soon brightened us all up.

A short time later, G.E. and I watched our Joe cross the stage at the Maverick Center to OFFICIALLY receive his MBA diploma from Westminster College. Yup, he was CAPPED, GOWNED, and HOODED, and I didn’t snap his picture fast enough before he shed the heavy and HOT regalia!!!

It was a joyous and lengthy occasion highlighted by that 15 seconds when the announcer called out our son’s name, and our small contingency of his supporters – Kara and the two little girls, Cindy – Mom-in-law, Dad and Mom, and Uncle Carl – shouted HURRAHS and clapped, Clapped, CLAPPED!

The college was organized in 1875 by members of the Presbyterian Church, and one of the great delights is Westminster’s tradition of employing bagpipes and drums to introduce and dismiss the graduates.   The group was amazing, and the music brought chills and tears. What a great day. I LOVED it!


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… PINNED …

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Tonight Westminster College pinned our son Joe. After an 18-month “courtship,” it’s now official. The college bestowed him with an MBA, and he committed to become a lifetime donor. At least that’s how the dean explained the evening’s event!

CONGRATS to our Joseph and his beautiful, brilliant, and super supportive wife Kara!


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… Memorial Day ~ may be one of my favorite holidays …

Those who know me will say, “Of course, Memorial Day is your favorite! It’s your birthday!”

This year that is true, but since President Nixon relegated the day of memories to the last Monday of May, sometimes the holiday is and sometimes it isn’t on May 30th – the ORIGINAL Memorial Day AND my birthday. While I am THRILLED to celebrate another year here on earth, birthdays don’t quite offer the same delight they did when I was 6 or 10 or 16.

Memorial Day does bring me a HUGE dose of nostalgia, and for a person who is ALWAYS nostalgic, that is saying something. Tonight is a case in point. I decided to rummage through some boxes of old photos looking for who-knows-what, and I found all but 2 of our sort of “official” family pictures. For a long time I have wanted to post them, and decided that I’ll start off the Memorial weekend with these “happy family” photos. (Of course, we all know what goes into organizing a trip to the photographers – hence the sarcasm.)  So here we go down Memorial Day Lane.

We looked SO happy because we were!

I look at this picture and fall in love all over again.

The Bouffant and the Soldier Boy!

The beginning of the BOYS!

The boys have ALL ARRIVED including Teddy, the Cocker Spaniel.

TOTAL 80s look going on here!

We were all together for the first time in 2 years because Andy had just returned from his LDS mission.

We had gained AND lost some daughters-in-law about this time, so I'm just posting the ROOT of our family.

My niece took MANY photos of the fam, but I LOVE this CRAZY-FACES pose! AND we were happy to welcome the NEW daughter-in-law who married into the family that year!

This is a terrible PICTURE of the PICTURE 'cause I don't have one that does NOT hang on a wall. It's WAY out of date because 3 more little peeps have joined the family. Maybe we can just "photo-shop" the new additions!!!


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… that cute little bird may be the toughest little chirper in our yard, too …

Remember that cute bird I “think” is the Orange-crowned warbler? I said I hoped to catch a picture of him. Well, I’ve had my Nikon CoolPix at the ready all week, but he flitted in and out of our yard so fast that I couldn’t catch him – until today.

Bless his heart, he flew CRASH, BOOM, BANG right into our picture window, leaving behind a small smudge of goop and a feather. G.E. witnessed the near-tragic event and hollered that our bird was sitting in the flower bed in a stupor. I just happened to have camera in hand and so I rushed out to capture these pictures.

Think he has a concussion?

LOOK! You can see his ORANGE CROWN. Or is that blood?

Thankfully, he was still alive, and he didn’t seem at all concerned about the giant ShutterBug snapping his picture. In fact, he seemed happy to see me. More importantly, he flew off after about 15 minutes.  He wasn’t about to be “Left Behind.” Snicker. Snicker.