It doesn’t happen once in a while – like yearly or monthly. No, one or more somethings  occur EVERY day of my life. Granted, most, IF NOT ALL, mishaps cross my path, trip me up, and send me sprawling because of ME. I cannot blame fate, God, my husband, mother, or sons; my boss, colleagues, or neighbors. I am my OWN WORST ENEMY! (Pardon the cliche’; I hate them, but sometimes, they hit the nail on the head. Chuckle. Chuckle.) So, in the spirit of this observation, I sometimes seek comfort in asking –

Am I the only one …

• who thinks she can leave at 8:00 A.M. for an 8:00 A.M. meeting AND arrive at 8:00 A.M.?
• who thinks she can get up at 7:00 A.M. and …
  • shower
  • blow dry and style hair
  • apply make-up
  • try on 2 or 3 outfits
  • make the bed and clean up the bathroom
  • empty and load the dishwasher
  • throw dinner into the crockpot
  • pack lunch and gym clothes
  • whip up and eat a small breakfast of toast, yogurt, and fruit
  • answer a half-dozen email messages
  • load the car
  • pray with hubby
  • make a MINIMUM of 3 trips back and forth to the car to load forgotten items like
    • cell phone
    • gym clothes
    • lap-top computer
    • purse
  • leave house at 8:30 A.M.
  • stop to gas up car and buy a 44 oz. Diet Coke
  • drive 23 miles in morning traffic
  • ARRIVE at work by 8:00 A.M. WITHOUT a time machine that breaks through the space-time continuum?

Am I the only one …

• who LOVES to see how long she can drive WITHOUT running out of gas AFTER the low-fuel light turns on and the LAST WARNING ding, ding, ding has DINGED and the needle on the fuel-ometer is so buried that it is out of sight?
• who is in such a hurry that she THINKS she hears the “finished fueling” click of the gas nozzle and rips it from her car only to hose down her PT Cruiser, the fuel pump island, AND her  shoes and pants with petrol?
• who spends hours perusing recipes, creating menus, and listing grocery items only to leave the list at home?
• who cannot eat the tiniest amount of food without leaving traces on her chin OR dribbling a trail down her sweater OR planting a splotch on the BACK of her skirt?
• who gets lost crossing the street and yet is the first tourist to direct another tourist to downtown Cancun?
• who cannot walk into a service center without spending a small fortune ($1100) repairing her poor little car that she abuses because she’s oblivious to the strange groans that erupt every time she turns; OR to the pressure she has to exert upon the brakes before the Cruiser stops centimeters from the SUV in front of her; OR to the 6.2 quaking vibrations that shake the car every time she starts or stops?

Oh, I could go on and on, but instead I’ll refer you to some previous postings that enumerate the continuous wacko incidents that brighten my life! Till then, pray for me!

OTHER WACKO INCIDENTS:

• The Choking Incident
• 11 Accidents in 2 Years!