Writing My Life

Now and Then

“… because you are you and I am me …” or MISadventures at the DMV


My birthday is soon, and it’s one of note. Only because my driver’s license needs renewal. Utah has STIFF new requirements for this process that include substantiating your existence via …

  • birth certificate OR passport
  • social security card
  • proof of current address.

Lines have been LONG, computers have been DOWN, and employees and citizens have been FRUSTRATED. So I was nervous about this morning’s experience, BUT …

  • there were NO long lines (I scheduled an “appointment” online just in case; but I got lost and was late for the time slot anyway);
  • the computers WERE working; AND
  • the employees were PLEASANT!

Nevertheless, it did NOT go well. The following discussion with G.E. tells the tale.

Me: Hi Honey, things didn’t go well.

G.E.: Why? What happened?

Me: They wouldn’t accept my birth certificate.

G.E.: I thought you took in your baby book!

Me: I did. But the birth certificate in the book didn’t have an official seal.

G.E.: I told you you should have renewed your passport.

Me: I know you did, but I didn’t see any grand trips to Europe on the horizon, so I didn’t bother.

G.E.: Neither did I, but I still renewed it. What about your social security card. Did you have that?

Me: HECK NO! I haven’t had that for years. I don’t even remember the last time I had an actual social security card!

G.E.: Did you lose it?

Me: I DON’T know! It’s been so long that I have no idea what happened to it.

G.E.: I have mine. The original.

Me: I know you do.

G.E.: Why do I have mine and you don’t have yours?

Me: Because you are you, and I am me.

G.E.: Did you know I have a laminated, wallet-sized birth certificate with an official seal on it that I carry in my wallet?

Me: (silence)

G.E.: Did you have ANYTHING?

Me: Yes, I had good hair. I spent hours combing it so that I would look good for the photo. That’s more important than a birth certificate, isn’t it?

Note 1: My last picture is my ALL-TIME FAVORITE driver’s license photo. I call it my “DMV glamor photo.” I’ve used it as an avatar. I’ve made provisions in my will to use it in my obituary.

Note 2: When I recapped this actual conversation with my mom, she said, “Well, if Mr. Smarty Pants is so organized, why doesn’t HE have a copy of your birth certificate?”

“He does, Mom. He told me he’d find it in one of the white binders lining his closet shelf when he gets home tonight. It’s even in a protective plastic sheet.”

Author: rbs

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8 thoughts on ““… because you are you and I am me …” or MISadventures at the DMV

  1. Hahahaha! I love the good hair response! Happy Birthday in advance! 🙂

  2. Gosh! You read this one fast! I didn’t even have time to insert MY FAV photo! I had to hurry and type this up before I forgot the conversation – it’s almost verbatim! We both had such a good laugh.

    Have a great weekend. Me

  3. I love it! You continually crack me up! I especially like the turn of events with your Mom’s comments! Love you!

    • He just handed over my birth certificate nicely encased in a plastic protector. I’m ready to give it another go. Bless him!

  4. Just let “Smarty-Pants” try to renew HIS license with his laminated miniature sized birth certificate with an official seal. They won’t take it!
    I had to order a new birth cert. When it got here, I PUT IT IN THE SAFE! Along with the SS card! Nothing like waitin’ til the horse is out of the barn or nothing!

    • Sorry, Mr. Smarty-Pants already checked to see if BIG BROTHER would accept the mini-document, and so he knows he needs to bring along his CURRENT, RECENTLY RENEWED passport. It’s hard to catch this former Boy Scout UNprepared!

      But how sad is it that to renew a passport just so you can renew a drivers license? I’m holding out for a trip to Great Britain, for heaven’s sake!

  5. You should always have a current passport–in two or three names if you can get them! What are you going to do in the event the chocolate cartel finds out where you are? Danger, Will Robinson!

  6. You are right, Tiffany Bourne! And now I have to watch out for the International P.B. Cookie Police as well! Those were too good to make it home. Curse you!

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