Writing My Life

Now and Then


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… note to NaBloPoMo: I did post “something” on August 22 …

Dear Melissa – Mah-ve-lous NaBloPoMo Moderator,

For 21 days I have FAITHFULLY posted 50-word fictional stories or a related topic. On August 22nd I revised my fantasy piece and then commented about it when I should have POSTED the reflection about the revision.

Here is the “comment” I made about my own post, one that has caught some readers’ attention might I add. NOTE the date AND time – PLEASE!!!

rbs says:

I don’t know if I’ve ever been the first to comment upon my own post, but I just want to say I am surprised at the “hits” this little story has received. I don’t feel it’s one of my better efforts but it is getting better as I have revised it several times AFTER pushing the “Publish” button!

Sincerely,
rbs (sniff, sniff)


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… 50-word freaky fiction: Possession

“Sid must have hit a dead zone,” I thought after the dropped call. Waiting a minute, I punched in “7” when a string of “z’s” suddenly zoomed across the screen. I pushed the “home” icon, but the z’s changed to “y’s” until a sentence stuttered its message.

“Y-y-y-o-u-r   c-c-c-c-a-l-l-e-r  i-s-s-s   d-d-d-d-e-a-d!”


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… 50-word fiction ~ EVERYday for 31 days …

Note: Because I have absolutely NO challenges in my life, and because I have little to do, I decided to bring on some craziness as I am SO sane and all. To jazz up my days, my writing, and my attempt to stave off Alzheimers, I registered with NaBloPoMo AGAIN. How could I not? The theme is FICTION!

To place time constraints on this project, I decided to play around with 50-word Fiction/Stories. I may scrimp on the word-count, but hopefully not on creativity. Let me know what you think. About the stories; NOT my mental condition. 

Bug-out Bag

Why didn’t I take Family Home Evenings seriously? Especially nights when Mom

72-Hour Kit ~ aka Bug-Out or Blow-Out Bags

produced giant garbage bags and begged us to organize 72-hour kits.

B-O-R-I-N-G.

I thought Mormons did this for “fun.”  And to prepare for IMPROBABLE catastrophes.

Wrong-o.

I didn’t know about the Zombie Apocalypse. Why didn’t Mom mention that?

SOME things never change. Mom still can't drive a van.


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… you had me at yarmulke …

While visiting Layton Hills Mall in search of a Chick Fil A, I wandered past a kiosk cart and committed the cardinal sin of avoidance: I made eye contact with the sales associate. I know better. BUT this sales person was not the run-of-the-mill Utah-mall cart clerk. He was Jewish. And

What every good salesmen should wear.

how did I decipher that? Because he was wearing a yarmulke/kippah/skull cap! A dead give-away. Maybe I should say a DEAD-SEA give-away because the young man – probably early 30s – was selling Dead Sea salt scrub and other related products.

Before I knew it, I was scrubbing my hands with the product and listening to Jewish jokes – I think they were jokes, not sure, as they were mixed in with “You’re killing me, Renae;” and “Are you Jewish? I thought maybe so because you’re so cheap.” (Not sure how to take that because I hadn’t uttered a word at that point except to tell him my name. Was he stereo-typing himself or insinuating that I looked sleazy?Because he ended every comment with “just kidding,” I decided not to take offense. Maybe he was trying out jokes on his way to stand-up comedy or something like that.)

After a few more jokes(?), another demonstration, 4 descriptions of the wonder products, a list of the “regular” prices, followed by “but I can give these to you for this much,” 2 attempts to decline the generous offers, I CAVED. But I didn’t buy all four treatments – just two. A minor victory. And while I didn’t get a “deal,” I didn’t pay more than the Internet price either.

 

While I don’t know if Dead Sea salt is any better than table salt, sea salt, the Great Salt Lake salt, I do

This set sells for $59 on Amazon. My daughter-in-law makes them, but they are filled with rice for $.59 - if that.

know I’m a patsy for salesmen who wear yarmulkes. You see this is the second time I’ve fallen for a pitch delivered by a Jewish guy. Last time I bought one of those herbal heat wraps that you throw into the microwave to warm up before soothing your neck, back, shoulders, etc. Or you can chuck them into the freezer to cool off said joints. I can’t remember what I paid for it, but I know it cost more than I thought it was worth. Worse yet, I’ve used it maybe once! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

Do I feel like I have joined the generations of peoples and nations that have persecuted these folks if I don’t buy their products? I’ve heard there is Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt, and I am sure there is also Mormon guilt because I fold EVERY time as I don’t want to offend their religious beliefs, judge their culture, or destroy the fragile peace that hangs by a thread in the Mideast.

What that has to do with body scrubs, exfoliates, or herbal heat wraps, I don’t know. But I’m not taking any chances. And if anyone wants to sell me the proverbial beachfront property in Nevada, just don a yarmulke and sign me up.


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… maybe these shots won’t make it into the Royal Wedding Album, but still …

Speaking of unsolicited email messages, I received one a couple of weeks ago that I did NOT research via Snopes. Although the originator of this message is A.Nonymous – which is usually the case – I trust the content as the images speak for themselves!

The Royal Disney Wedding

Well, the royal couple has been married for nearly a month, and while reviewing the billions of wedding photos, the two were startled to find some taken by a Disney Studio photographer. They didn’t realize Mickey was part of the crowd of paparazzi!


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… “lollypop, lolly pop, OH! LOLLY, LOLLY POP!” … may be the most disgusting treat IN THE WORLD!

It is DAY 23 of posting EVERY DAY IN MAY! Sheesh! I do have some important things to write about, just not tonight. Mondays are always SO tough, aren’t they? And this has been a pretty rotten day for some family members and friends.

To liven things up, I pulled out a photo taken by Grand-daughter Taylor. It features a VERY creepy, crawly, AND CRUNCHY treat I brought back from Albuquerque. Believe me it took courage to even buy these little suckers! And I just know there is a story to be told about how these “alacranes” found themselves in such a predicament!

Which do you prefer: Pineapple, blueberry, or apple SCORPION???

Maybe we could retell a favorite tale – something like “3 Little Scorpions.” They crawl off through the desert to seek their fortune but end up swimming in vats of artificially flavored corn syrup. Imprisoned in their glass-like houses, the 3 are packaged and trucked many more miles until they end up in the home of the bravest kid on earth – one who actually EATS the suckers … scorpions and ALL.

YUKKY!!!!


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… I think maybe the world is supposed to end tomorrow or something …

I just learned from watching the 10 o’clock news that the world is supposed to end tomorrow at 4:00 P.M. I thought I had until 2012, gosh darn it.

Who is right? Reverend Harold Camping who resides, preaches, and prophesies in Oakland, CA. Or the 5125 year Mayan calendar, upon which the flopbluster movie 2012 was based.

Because of the late notice, I haven’t done much to prepare for the event. I don’t know how I missed the one Utah billboard planted near Lagoon that announced the earth’s demise or the thousands of placards and brochures being passed out across the nation or David Letterman’s Top 10 list of “How to Make the Apocalypse More Fun.” 

I always thought that NO ONE knew the day or the hour that the Lord would return to the earth, not even ad men. I understood that “He cometh like a thief in the night” – NOT at 4:00 in the AFTERNOON when I’m attending a play with my sister and mother.

When I was little – not in girth but in height – I had nightmares about the world’s end. Of course, my dreams weren’t of earthquakes or tidal waves but of the BOMB. Fires roared everywhere around a big white house where I stood on the porch watching people running from the flames. It was pretty traumatic.

I had never heard of the RAPTURE before living in the south, and I happened to be in Georgia when the LEFT BEHIND series of books were flying off shelves. Everybody was talking about those novels, including the teachers and students at the school where I taught.

One day after the dismissal bell, I step out of my shoes, shed my sweater, and dropped whatever I was holding all in a small pile in on the floor. Then I rushed to the rest room. My colleague next door walked into the classroom to  chat with me. All she found were the shoes, sweater, book and papers. Maria then announced that the Rapture had occurred and Renae had been taken; the rest of them were left behind.

This was quite surprising because my team mates were Baptists and Methodist – sects that really don’t think Mormons like me have a chance in h… of being caught up in the Rapture!

Before bidding you all farewell, I’d like to thank the Rev. Camping and the Mayans for the warning, but if I’m not ready for such an event by now, I doubt I will be.

If the good fellow is right THIS TIME, I won’t be able to finish my month of blogging every day, and I won’t be able to claim my badge from NaBloPoMo.

If he is wrong, I’ll announce it tomorrow right here in this spot. In the meantime, have a good day tomorrow as it just might be the last.